Jun 02 2010
Estrelica & Vic by Malcolm Lawrence: Chapter 16: Coast is clear
“HEUER-TO-BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!”
Vic leaned out of the window of Estrelica’s car as far as his belt would let him and bellowed back and forth into the sky as Estrelica looked at him and wondered why she hadn’t thought before of using the futon J. Dove Dixon left behind for a seat.
He reached over to her, her foot steady on the pedal, all the time doing ninety, her foot steady on the pedal. She took the bottle of beer from between her legs as he kissed an espresso bean into her mouth, knew they had to go somewhere and just kept heading south. They thundered past the state capitol, headed for the coast and when they got to the edge of the world, played chicken with some guy and his Corvette; took the papers off him, started a fire and took his beer off him as he started talking about the days he used to race at Seattle International Raceway as Estrelica scratched her ankle and Vic rubbed his eyes.
As the day went down and the flames got brighter, the squeaking of leather and a few cigarette cherries down the beach a ways got closer and huddled around the three of them, who were already deciding who was going to get some more beer, as three of the guys and two of the girls who had just shown up each threw in ten dollars. Stoney, the guy with the Corvette, took everyone’s money as Estrelica grabbed a ten from her bag, stuck it in her skirt pocket and followed him to his car, driving to the first neon sign they could find.
Estrelica tossed some things in a basket and Stoney headed for the refrigerated shelves. At the checkout counter a kid was shaking because he didn’t have enough money for a ten-pound bag of potatoes. Stoney leaned over and tossed some coins down on the counter for him. Estrelica fingered a candy bracelet, grabbed a pack of Old Colt candy cigarettes and tossed them in her basket as her eyes fell to a book of matches that read “Eat, Shit and Die.” Her purchases complete.
On the way back to the campfire, Stoney drove down to the clambeds, put on his high-beams and his mouth fell open as he drooled at the sight of all of the sandpipers, put the car in gear and tore off down the beach shrieking as he gunned towards the birds, scattering them this way, then that. He checked the instruments on his display panel, checked the torque and spelled out his name in the clambeds. He scanned the beach for smoke signals, spotted the fire and slammed on the brakes, landing a stone-skip away from Vic, the fire and a dozen cherries poking the night.
Stoney and Estrelica brought their paper bags, fell to their knees on either side of Vic and began passing around bottles and cans and change and chips and dip as Estrelica peeled open a tin of oysters and put her fingers up to Vic’s mouth as she tossed one in just as he had his mouth open to yawn, cracking open a bottle with his lighter.
A few people went to get some more wood for the fire as one guy began talking about the time he was in Morocco and was invited to a party where they made hash and rolled tables full of it before his eyes, remembering it all as he rolled a joint.
“Well,” he said, holding it freshly rolled between his fingers, “it stops time in it’s tracks. But, for it to be considered as dangerous as cocaine, which has no healing powers whatsoever except that it slides pretty easily from palm to palm when a neighboring country just a few doors down has absolutely nothing but doesn’t want to share it anyway…”
“Well,” Estrelica began, “you know that if they really wanted to stop the river of drugs that they could do it overnight, but the power elite have too many friends they just can’t turn their back on. I mean, it looks good on the evening news to show the local dealer getting busted for a garage full of plants, right next to something about the President shaking hands with the President of Columbia with a baseball cap on his head that says “Enjoy Coke” after the deal has been made that will allow McDonalds and Coca-Cola to set up shop on their land, reduce their rain forests to ash and have what used to be the local hero of a village who had protected the forests for thirty years gunned down by one of the other villagers because he stands in the way of letting the folk earn a dollar a day and making them wear a man-made fabric with colors that aren’t found in nature.”
“Drugs” Vic smiled, “and not the kind the man has.”
“Do you think that the American Medical Association is going to let anyone prevent them from selling placebos so they can afford to work only two days a week, two months a year? I can’t say that I’ve ever looked in the mirror and seen the face of evil, like they’d like to have me believe just because I want to do with my body whatever the hell I want, which means that I can decide whether or not I want to bring males into the world. The only thing we have isn’t even ours. Then they try to legislate morality and slap us in jail for taking money off their superiors for ten minutes, a few strokes and a drive around the block. Meanwhile, their kids are at home wondering what Dad does every night, and who Mom’s friend was who used to come for dinner and kissed her like she wanted to be kissed and then one day Dad came home early and blew him away, so now Mom has two jobs, she’s never home, the television’s on all the time, the guitar solos in the front room get louder and louder and the cops start circling the house, whipping out their bullhorns and the newspapers worry about how the kids just don’t READ anymore. Flowers don’t grow in the city, and the whole god-damned place is man-made.”
One of the girls leaned over, gave Estrelica a light and said “My name’s Bridget. How the hell are you?”
“Estrelica. Probably about the same as you,” she winked and made room on the blanket so the two of them could talk.
Vic turned to the guy sitting next to him and asked if he knew of any coves in the area, noticing he was only about twelve years old.
“No, I’ve never been here before. I’m from Portland.”
“So, how are things in Portland?”
“Getting tougher. But, we’ve been saving up for a few weeks and tomorrow night we’re going to blow it all at a five-star restaurant,” he said pointing at Bridget.
“What do you want to do with you life, son?” Vic asked.
“Bring Exxon to it’s knees.”
“Sounds good. Seven million gallons they dumped in Alaska, wasn’t it?”
“Eleven.”
“Eleven! Christ! So, what are you going to do after that?”
“Start in on Texaco.”
“Does your mother know about this?”
“Well, she’s kind of pissed off because she uses her car a lot. She’s trying to talk me out of it.”
“Oh, you kids. Why, when I was a kid I never even heard of–”
Estrelica pulled Vic over to her, asked him if he wanted a beer and kissed him. He kissed her back, said yeah, and leaned over her to get one, letting his hand fall where it may. As soon as he had his bottle open, Estrelica reached over with her bottle, popped the top of his and watched it gush all over hew own leg. Vic laughed and started to lick it off her skirt.
“Go on, Fido, lick it up.”
“God, you taste terrible!” Vic spat as he tried to salvage his beer. Bridget asked Estrelica if she had a sister.
“Three of them. Do you know one of them?”
“I think I know one of them. She’s kind of tall, wears lipstick but not make-up and…I can’t think of her name.”
“Zeda.”
A peace pipe, a crate of Mickey’s, some hummus, taramatasalata and pita bread passed amongst them as the crackles of the fire crackled. They had all been running shit-scared since the womb, got to the fire and huddled together in hysterics, snorting billows of smoke through their noses with cigarettes on their lips, made itsy-bitsy spiders with their fingers and shoved everything into their own bottle-green eyes, picked music off their tongues, spread it out over the flames, watched it singe and blow up through the holes in the clouds, ricochet down to the Antarctic and drift off past the sky and form a constellation that BC looked up and called a cross and crown. The guy from Portland looked up and found a wild window of widowed pillow willows. Vic closed one eye, looked up, saw the wrong constellation and called it India. Estrelica rubbed her eyes and saw kaleidoscopes in her palms, hoped she had a tampon and blew her nose in the handkerchief that smelled like her nana’s knickers’ drawer of the powder she had given her for Kissmas. Crackle.
Estrelica used Vic’s boot to trace for Bridget where she wanted to go next. Vic used the guy from Portland as a fresh pair of ears, who kept his eyes on Bridget saying “uh-huh” and laughing too loud for the girl in the shawl whose friend was in the hospital with a stomach full of pills. Sash wept white tears to himself and Mark kept a close watch on the flames. He had worked in the engine room of a breeder reactor with the guy who didn’t smoke, for a few summers. Crackle.
The guy who looked like Nat “King” Cole asked a lot about cab driving and was told about Jason. He gave the address of a friend of his in London who had the same birthday as a friend of his in Ma’alot to Vic, who flipped open his wallet and addresses tumbled down like credit cards onto the sand. Sacramento had expired, as had Narabeen Beach, Bellingham and Sligo, but Santander, Queen’s Park and Nesoya were fresh and Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle were bursting. Largs was now Oban. Belfast now Beirut. Jordan had been washed out by a beer spill, but 1938 Delaware, Maison du Soleil, God’s House and 905 18th were etched in his prefrontal forever. Estrelica remembered J. Dove packing once, turning to her and saying “It’s like burning your room.” He’d try getting everyone to huddle together, but ended up scraping the plan and just lining them up by the door, squeezing the pain out of them, cocking his left eye and rumbling “If I don’t meet you at the dograces, I’ll see you down by the powerlines.” Krackel.
A story about some kid who murdered his best friend made the rounds and everyone listened as just above them a jet flew over and a hijacker lost his nerve. At the 7-11 Estrelica and Stoney were just in, a gun was pulled on the 73-year-old Latvian-born, Texas-raised, Japanese-educated, Libyan citizen of an American company he worked for on the shores of Tripoli. Troops in China were dispatched and a year later the ground rumbled under Mecca, and fingernails found their way into the mouth of the short man who was thinking to himself “Marilyn Monroe? The Moon? Waterloo?” Crack.
They all knew July would smell like gunshot, all the way up and down Madison. The heat would leave them alone and let the animals kill each other, then send someone in to clean it up. Crack.
Estrelica looked to the skies, found Cassiopeia and Sagittarius and wished she could be in La Paz in July for the solar eclipse. Crackle.
Vic looked at the ocean and his face creased with the waves. Estrelica leaned back and rested her arm on his leg as he nodded out to sea and said “See it?” offering her a corn nut.
“The hurricane?” she said taking it into her mouth.
They looked at each other and turned back to the storm.
If you made a mobile out of everyone around the fire, pinned it above a baby’s bed, with Estrelica in the middle and Vic somewhere around the bottom, said good night and left the baby to sleep….Estrelica blew in Vic’s ear as he drifted in and out of sleep and said under his breath “Cross the line. God will take care of you,” and opened his mouth as wide as the universe as he fell in her lap. With those few sounds that slipped from his lips, a chorus of chewed laughter made its way around the fire and stopped as the lowest voice among them deadpanned “I hate Jesus Christ with all my heart.” Estrelica reached back to touch Vic’s chest, raised her chin and said “There’s a man who’s made a decision.” Vic’s mouth fell open as he kept talking in his sleep, “…show you Ruth…”
The face of BC still rang with the words he’d just spat. He had a can of shaving cream in his jacket and dabbed a little on Vic’s nose.
“So…What’s your name?” he slowly asked Estrelica.
“Wait a minute,” she said, “I’ve seen you before. Weren’t you at a party of Nick’s about a year ago?”
“You mean the party where you were with that guy who just got back from hitchhiking and he fell asleep?”
“Uh, yeah,” Estrelica laughed, “I was there. So, what did you say about Christ?”
“I woke up one morning and found my bed burning.” he coldly stared.
“Well, what the hell were you doing smoking in bed?”
He looked back at her and said “Is the day any different for you than the night?”
“No, wait,” she cried, “what did you say about burning in bed? I’m taking NOTES, okay?”
Vic woke up and everyone started to laugh. He looked at them all, noticed his nose, found the one laughing the most and said “Hey, hey, hey, hey; what’s the big idea?”
“I had it done to me when I was a kid.”
“So, I have to pay for it, huh? All right….” he reassured him.
All of the others there knew each other somehow and one of them was going to start working at the shipyards the next day. He had been on ships for years and now figured the least he owed them was to help build them now. He had a son with his girlfriend and only asked for the car once a week.
Vic counted, counted, counted, hic, all of the faces there and Estrelica gave him a swig of her beer as she told Bridget how, when she was a child, swinging on her family tree, a mighty oak, when it was ripped from her parent’s house one night during a tornado when she was sixteen, and how she had to chainsaw the branches into wood. She also told her about the stream of Elizabeths she was from on her mother’s side.
“And the other side?”
“A bottle of whisky, I guess.”
The kid from Portland said something in Vic’s ear as he pointed to Bridget. Vic leaned down and the guy said, “I just don’t understand.”
“Ah, I wouldn’t let it worry you.” Vic said. “It’s not worth thinking about. Just, uh, know it’s there. That’s about all you’ve got to do.”
Roy scraped on his violin
“What shall we,
what shall we do,
what shall we do with,
what shall we do with a drunken
sail
or,
what shall we do with a drunk,
‘n,
sail,
or,
gave up, laid on his elbow, and put his fingers in his hair next to hers.
A few faces bade farewell, a few more, and a few were left as Estrelica rose and walked slowly to the shore with her arms folded, moving further and further into the wind and the mist.
Vic listened to Bridget and her friend exchange how they each made Gestapo, as Bridget called it, as he saw Estrelica out of the corner of his eye stand by the water huddling herself and couldn’t tell the gray of the sky from the gray of the shore. She was all he could focus on, standing there still. Too still. She knelt.
He rose and walked over to her with his hands in his pockets and his eyes on her hair. He stood next to her and stared out at the weather, knelt, lit a cigarette and gave her a drag. They looked at each other, their eyes washed open by the sea, the wind squinting their eyes the same way. She looked at his hand as he stubbed out the cigarette, took his hand in hers and tried to find salt water in his palm.
“All this is yours,” the wind whispered to Estrelica.
“These things aren’t yours” the wind whipped into Vic’s ears.
“Why do you have to do everything by yourself?”
“Don’t you want to be with me?”
“Don’t you want to go?”
They turned back to the sea.
“If you really are mine, it won’t matter I guess.”
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Where?”
“Back to Britain. There’s something I have to find.”
“But, first you have to see what I found at the store!!”
She pulled him away, putting his arm around her waist as Vic pulled out his lighter, turned back to the sea and said “We were here.”
“And here and there and then over there,” Estrelica finished for him as they walked the length of the bay dragging up tree trunks behind them on the way back to the fire. She took his castanets out of his pocket and danced laps around him all the way back to the fire as her eyes opened like lips. She grabbed his arm to bring his ear to her mouth as she whispered “I found Blackjack gum.” Vic’s mouth fell open in surprise, she mimicked him, and they laughed at each other as she tossed the castanets and the keys to their hotel room at Chris’s By The Sea to the guy from Portland as Estrelica and Vic went to her car. They drove to the closest bar, shot a game of pool that Estrelica broke open and made fun of Vic chalking up his cue. He pocketed well, she started to come into her own, then he missed his last shot, scratching in the eight ball that bounced her last ball in.
“I told you not to chalk up.” She whispered, raising her eyebrow.
“Touché, Touché, Tora, Tora, Touché.”
On the way back to the beach, the night stole them as its own, almost crushing them as the hurricane passed a Camaro on their right doing a solid ninety-nine as the black flag came up. No checkers around for miles.
They got out and walked through a field as Vic said “Did you see that? A star just blew up.”
“Nah, I think it was just a planet.” Estrelica sighed.
“Hey, up to that next poplar and back or its the money for the vodka. Ready, set,” Vic ran straight into a freshly seeded tree and a bramble slashed the orchid tattoo just above Estrelica’s heel. Back in the car she asked “What do you see,” handing him the binoculars.
“I see a forest green Jag XJ beading up with rain and she’s slamming the door on him and flagging down the first car that’ll stop.”
“Hmmm. That’s funny. I was watching that quarter moon. No, over there, above that dead tree. Doesn’t it glow like something you’ve never seen?”
When they got back to Chris’s, Vic shut the car door as he said “Forty-six dollars? What did you get?”
“Well, most of that is Caerphilly and Cheshire.”
Vic rested Estrelica’s guitar on his lap as he sat on the stoop of the hotel listening to Bridget and her friend inside. Estrelica walked onto the beach a little way to walk out her name in the sand as Vic found her strings and played one of those songs that you can chew forever and never quite figure out how it goes.
Wrapped up in the clothesline
in your mother’s skirt you’d twirl
smokestack after smokestack
and the soot that fell from your curls
fetching dice for the carpenters
catching pennies off your wrist
the tar on your uncle’s undershirt
and the fingernails scraping your fist.
Somebody’s crowbar Casanovas
like spiders on your sheets
the pipeline boys who dragged you in
and offered you up to the streets
and which angel flashed his teeth at you
and saddled you with the goods
that could only ever be traded away
to the devil in the woods
Sometimes the thunder on the ceiling
too poisonous to resist
every hand that tries to touch you
all you see are a couple of fists
and the guardians say all bets are off
they’re just your lessons they realize
and you can tell more from their shadows on the wall
than from having to wait for their eyes
and the trick is finding magic
and the curse is continuing the spells
and the trap is abandoning any pair of hands
that led you to find your own bells
Like the light beneath the Netherlands
you never quite forgot
your grandmother’s hands on top of yours
and the songs that you were taught
when you laid out in the August sun
that always let you hide
catapulted from the morning grass
into the skies where you used to dive.
Now your eyes are branded
you’re coming here to leave
all that’s left to hang onto
is the way that you used to sleep
and the faces that you never recognized
that made you turn away
the markings of a swan are etched
from the shadows of the day
The strings rang and rang and rang and rang as Estrelica walked back to Vic as her strings stilled themselves in his hands. They knocked before they tried the door of their room, which had been left open. Bridget and Bob, his name turned out to be, asked about the conditions of the roads down the coast a little further and stole into the night leaving their body oil behind.
Estrelica and Vic began feasting on the munchies as Estrelica said “I want to cut your hair” and straddled him, taking off more than a few handfuls, but cleaned it up well enough for an airport customs man, thought about leaving a cowlick, but left it as it was. He felt his head and liked what he felt as she said “Now I want to put some make-up on you.”
“Oh, God. Does the torture never cease?”
“Oh, shut up; it’s good for you. Gets you more women.”
“Oh, yeah? Yeah?”
He said he had just finished making a tape of Paraguayan music for a Polish waitress who was going to Mexico via the States with her Peruvian boyfriend. Estrelica started telling him about the sailing trip she was on once with her mother, her father’s second wife and her father’s fiancé as Vic held his lips in a kiss until she noticed. She noticed, right at the part where her mother said “Yup, that’s where he hates to be tickled.” She shot her tongue in his mouth and he pushed his mint into hers. She spat it out, took off his shirt and shivered from laughter to heat and then back. Beauty this easy must be borne of boredom. He asked her about falcons and she said that you groom them until they’re ready to fly and not one day too soon, but if too many days go by, you might as well just train them to be homing pigeons. “See,” she said, “they’ll bring you anything you want from out of the swirling waters. Ever seen one dive? Hell, an eagle can soar, but only a falcon can dive.”
Yes, this widowmaker, this sidewinder, this kingfisher of women, this Old Thumper of his own Bible actually believed that. And she just sat on him dabbing mascara softly saying: “Oh, what a silly boy, always going around in circles.”
“Oh, what a senseless girl, never staying anywhere special.”
“Hey, can you toss this mint,” he asked, picking up the one she spat out, “in this half a glass of water and swirl it until it stirs without spilling any drops?” His knee snapped the smoke from the cigarette in his hand into hearts as he ate a few of them while they were still fresh.
“What should the morning be like?” She asked.
“I was going to say chilled watermelon saturated with vodka. I was going to say an iced mocha. I was going to say a few shells of pasta, but only after I find out more about you.”
“What’s there to know?”
“If you’ve ever washed wine through your hair?” He drawled.
“I can’t bring myself to use beer. It works fine, but I smell like the Comet for days.”
“Wine?” He asked.
“Wine.”
“Retsina?” He implored.
“Retsina??”
“Yeah, Retsina blinkin’ meaner than a wino in a diner.”
“Like getting frisky with the whisky and sticking tulips in the juleps?”
“Something like that….”
“Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What do you feel like?” She asked.
“…feel like going home….”
They each turned their eyes away and slowly kissed each other good night. The day, long since gone, died, as they followed. Estrelica and Vic were tired and slept to do something about it, knocking over the bottle in the middle of the night and the stain that settled in washed off her address in his wallet, and outside, like another kneekerchief, fired another AK-47 tearing through the stars another million billion or two miles as these two shot up the main vein in the Milky Way, right by the tattoo on God’s shoulder of His Mother who He saw once give birth to His child, and let no one stand alongside and try to take Her child away simply for playing with whomever they please and for learning whatever they wanted to learn.
They were shown different dreams from each other and all too soon the sun seared open Vic’s eyes. All through breakfast they played Rock-Paper-Scissors. Vic always got her with Rock, but she always got him with Paper.
“Hey, go somewhere…and tell me what you’ve seen.” she asked of his eyes.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Do you write letters? Do you write long letters?” He asked of her mouth..
“Of course I do, if I can ever find the time.”
How long has it been since I wrote that letter in the bath?, she thought, and who was it to?
Vic took his hand out of his pocket with her St. Christopher tangled in his fingers. “You might need this,” he said draping it around her neck, and kneeling down to take twenty bucks out of his boot. “That’s for the beer, the cigarettes, the candles and a stamp.”
“No, it’s not. It’s for tampons, moisturizer and a grapefruit,” she said snatching it and spread it across her mouth. “But, hey, if you do die…have the courtesy to at least come back and say hi.”
“Promise.”
“I have to stay here.” she said slowly.
“I have to go back.”
“For now.”
“Yeah, for now.”
Did you know that Estrelica had dyslexia? and they always called her dumb. You’d try singing her a song and she’d want to go out dancing instead and sweat in the arms of the first rogue who caught her wringing wet.
She was brought into this world knowing she put her mother in prison because her mother knew her child wouldn’t want to be brought into such a place where you’re forced to come into the world.
Did you know that Vic was a southpaw, and when he was a kid they tried forever to make him right with his write?
“You know, you never heard me when I called you.”
A shiny hunk of obsidian passed from her fingers to his.
“I guess I just wasn’t listening for it.”
They both took advantage of each other, and one day they’ll hold each other for ransom, smiling in all the family portraits with pistols at each other’s crotch, taking a jackhammer to the sunset. One burning theirs and one of them not, but the flames would find their way to the other half anyway. It was a dance that ended in stalemate as they went their own separate ways. On the long ride back to her place, commuters splintered into their own ways home on the freeway below her as her headlights blazed up and over the bridge, humping the stream, and scorched the tar on either side as Estrelica screamed away, flying home with Beatrice.
Vic thought about how 69 cents on the dollar was all the authorities needed to keep the women marrying the men. “She thinks I’m gone. That I’m never coming back.”
Estrelica thought about how she’d always hide in the back, and end up being the last one on her side left standing when they made her play soak-em in grade school, and how then she’d just pick them all off one by one. “He thinks I’m waiting around.” She went back to her house, called and ordered a mammoth pizza and phoned Deidre.
Vic went back to split the world open again as he snapped his fingers, snapped his fingers, touched his wallet, flipped a penny that came up Lincoln, scraped his feet up off the ground, thought of the bootblack he needed, wondered if Estrelica had always weeded, and if the road spun any tighter anywhere else.
Jimmy Crack Corn and I don’t care
Jimmy Crack Corn and I don’t care
Jimmy Crack Corn and I don’t care
Bournemouth-London
1989-1990